Can't Wait

I've always been known for my over zealous anticipation (this is a nice way of saying my impatience). When I was young, I would bribe my sisters to tell me what presents they or my parents got for me. I was agonizing over when Belle would come three weeks before she was even due. Wouldn't you know she was born a week after her due date? Patience does not come easy for most, and it certainly is a struggle for me.

Right now, I just 'can't wait':
-For my hubby and I to be full-fledged teachers and have teaching positions

I know there will always be something that I just have to have or can't wait to have, so for now, I will choose to be happy with today. I get to sport a fellow teacher's school logo polo for the last day of 'Vote No on Drugs Week', teach math and language arts lessons to an awesome third grade class, and give sweet Belle a kiss and hug when she wakes up. Can't wait!

My Princess

Jackson and I are having a blast hanging out with Belle right now. We always have loved playing with her, but it's getting more fun with each passing day. Last night, Belle and I were playing after dinner (Jackson was still working). Belle said, "Mommy, I need my crown". I reminded her where she could find her fairly new Cinderella tiara and she quickly retrieved it. Then, I asked her if she wanted to wear her princess skirt (glittery, pink tutu- yes, she got one for her birthday). She ran to her closet to grab her skirt as if to say, "Is there even a question? Of course I'll be donning on my princess skirt." After she had her crown and skirt in place, she began to spin around in circles singing, "I--- am a princess! I-- am a princess!" My heart was bursting. I actually video taped her and I playing for about 20 minutes and snapped a few photos, two of which are on this post. I pray that Belle will always know she is a princess. She is certainly Daddy and Mommy's princess, but she is also God's princess and will one day make a very lucky prince very happy.

My Soul Revolution

I am currently in a family or small group at church and have been reading the book, Soul Revolution by John Burke, for the past couple of weeks. The book has a challenge that I have taken on. The challenge is that for 60 days every 60 minutes, you stop (with the reminder of an alarm via cell phone, timer, or watch) and think about God. The first week, I thought about God's character and His presence with me moment by moment. This past week, I have prayed for people in my group every hour, I've evaluated whether I was doing what God would want me to do the past hour, and have been more cognizant of being filled by God's Spirit. I started a mini-blog on soulrevolution.net although you have to be a member (free) to view the blog... here are the entries I've posted thus far:

Just Started Monday, October 13th 2008 (day 6/60)

I joined my small group and attended for the first time last week (Tuesday). Before going to group, I thought multiple times about just not going-ever. I hadn't read the whole 3 chapters I was supposed to read and I was tired and had so much to do. Needless to say, I have started the 60-60 experiment. I've forgotten a dozen times to reset my timer or my phone has been on silent, although for the most part... I'm in constant connection with God. It's amazing. I have only started and I feel like God is drawing me closer into His presence moment by moment. Sinful desires and selfish thoughts are dissipating. They are there, but less tempting and seemingly ugly. I feel as if a whole new me has just started.

Just Trust and Be Tuesday, October 14th 2008

Tonight at small group, Jennifer (our small group leader) asked us to close our eyes and focus on the 'here and now', as she read some verses. Then, she asked us to be still. 'Being still' has always been hard for me as I think it is hard for most everyone. During quiet time or prayer sessions, I start to think about all the things I need to do, should be doing, and then I think about how I shouldn't be thinking those things. It was different tonight. I really listened and I heard. I believe that God told me two specific things. (1) Stop planning- just trust. My family and close friends know (and even the people I don't know that well that have just started to work with me know) I am a planner. I love to be and stay organized, I like to be in control, and I always like to plan. The idea of trusting and just 'be-ing' is not new to me. However, tonight I really heard the Spirit telling me... just 'be'. That leads me to the second item. (2) Stop performing- just be.

My Desire Wednesday, October 15th 2008 (day 8/60)

What do I desire? I would like to say I desire God and Him alone. There have been few times where I can say that this has been an ultimate truth for me. I long for God, but I also long for love, acceptance, and success on my terms. These things can be in partnership and not necessarily conflict with devout connection to God, but when it comes down to it, I am sad to say that I desire God and _______. I was impacted by last week's reading. I completely relate to John Burke's desires of walking with God as long as things go along with his plans. I'm a doer, not a 'be-er'. I like control, not surrender. I want God and only God as long as x and y (my plans) are conveniently packaged into the whole deal. What do I desire today? I desire for God to change me every day. I long to say that there are few times I don't truly desire God versus few times that I desire Him alone. I believe that 60-60 is helping me find my true and real desire- God.