Can't Wait

I've always been known for my over zealous anticipation (this is a nice way of saying my impatience). When I was young, I would bribe my sisters to tell me what presents they or my parents got for me. I was agonizing over when Belle would come three weeks before she was even due. Wouldn't you know she was born a week after her due date? Patience does not come easy for most, and it certainly is a struggle for me.

Right now, I just 'can't wait':
-For my hubby and I to be full-fledged teachers and have teaching positions

I know there will always be something that I just have to have or can't wait to have, so for now, I will choose to be happy with today. I get to sport a fellow teacher's school logo polo for the last day of 'Vote No on Drugs Week', teach math and language arts lessons to an awesome third grade class, and give sweet Belle a kiss and hug when she wakes up. Can't wait!

My Princess

Jackson and I are having a blast hanging out with Belle right now. We always have loved playing with her, but it's getting more fun with each passing day. Last night, Belle and I were playing after dinner (Jackson was still working). Belle said, "Mommy, I need my crown". I reminded her where she could find her fairly new Cinderella tiara and she quickly retrieved it. Then, I asked her if she wanted to wear her princess skirt (glittery, pink tutu- yes, she got one for her birthday). She ran to her closet to grab her skirt as if to say, "Is there even a question? Of course I'll be donning on my princess skirt." After she had her crown and skirt in place, she began to spin around in circles singing, "I--- am a princess! I-- am a princess!" My heart was bursting. I actually video taped her and I playing for about 20 minutes and snapped a few photos, two of which are on this post. I pray that Belle will always know she is a princess. She is certainly Daddy and Mommy's princess, but she is also God's princess and will one day make a very lucky prince very happy.

My Soul Revolution

I am currently in a family or small group at church and have been reading the book, Soul Revolution by John Burke, for the past couple of weeks. The book has a challenge that I have taken on. The challenge is that for 60 days every 60 minutes, you stop (with the reminder of an alarm via cell phone, timer, or watch) and think about God. The first week, I thought about God's character and His presence with me moment by moment. This past week, I have prayed for people in my group every hour, I've evaluated whether I was doing what God would want me to do the past hour, and have been more cognizant of being filled by God's Spirit. I started a mini-blog on soulrevolution.net although you have to be a member (free) to view the blog... here are the entries I've posted thus far:

Just Started Monday, October 13th 2008 (day 6/60)

I joined my small group and attended for the first time last week (Tuesday). Before going to group, I thought multiple times about just not going-ever. I hadn't read the whole 3 chapters I was supposed to read and I was tired and had so much to do. Needless to say, I have started the 60-60 experiment. I've forgotten a dozen times to reset my timer or my phone has been on silent, although for the most part... I'm in constant connection with God. It's amazing. I have only started and I feel like God is drawing me closer into His presence moment by moment. Sinful desires and selfish thoughts are dissipating. They are there, but less tempting and seemingly ugly. I feel as if a whole new me has just started.

Just Trust and Be Tuesday, October 14th 2008

Tonight at small group, Jennifer (our small group leader) asked us to close our eyes and focus on the 'here and now', as she read some verses. Then, she asked us to be still. 'Being still' has always been hard for me as I think it is hard for most everyone. During quiet time or prayer sessions, I start to think about all the things I need to do, should be doing, and then I think about how I shouldn't be thinking those things. It was different tonight. I really listened and I heard. I believe that God told me two specific things. (1) Stop planning- just trust. My family and close friends know (and even the people I don't know that well that have just started to work with me know) I am a planner. I love to be and stay organized, I like to be in control, and I always like to plan. The idea of trusting and just 'be-ing' is not new to me. However, tonight I really heard the Spirit telling me... just 'be'. That leads me to the second item. (2) Stop performing- just be.

My Desire Wednesday, October 15th 2008 (day 8/60)

What do I desire? I would like to say I desire God and Him alone. There have been few times where I can say that this has been an ultimate truth for me. I long for God, but I also long for love, acceptance, and success on my terms. These things can be in partnership and not necessarily conflict with devout connection to God, but when it comes down to it, I am sad to say that I desire God and _______. I was impacted by last week's reading. I completely relate to John Burke's desires of walking with God as long as things go along with his plans. I'm a doer, not a 'be-er'. I like control, not surrender. I want God and only God as long as x and y (my plans) are conveniently packaged into the whole deal. What do I desire today? I desire for God to change me every day. I long to say that there are few times I don't truly desire God versus few times that I desire Him alone. I believe that 60-60 is helping me find my true and real desire- God.

Thank God for Modern Medicine

Dad had a heart attack late Monday morning. Mom, Dad, and their Japanese international student went to Lake Tahoe for a long weekend get away. As dad was driving to Zephyr Cove, he told us that he was sweating, had horrible chest pain, and mom shared that he looked so pale he matched his current hospital gown (it's ivory/buttercup colored material). Not good.

At first, things seemed to be fine and the news was that dad was just getting some surface treatment (IVs, simple tests, etc.). I actually thought he was not feeling well due to the altitude and extra activity. Suddenly, we found out he had to stay overnight due to some positive tests (minor heart damage being one of the things that came up 'positive' on the tests). Tuesday morning, Jackson woke me up to tell me dad was moved from the hospital in Tahoe to Mercy General in Sac. We (me, Belle, Jax- Happy 28th birthday :-), and Shannon) drove up and arrived in Sacramento in time for lunch. As an aside, two of my nurse friends have confirmed that Mercy Gen is great for heart treatment and it was encouraging that they had a department dedicated to cardiology. Yesterday afternoon, dad had an angioplasty and one heart stent was put into his heart. I'm still waiting for a call to confirm that he gets to come home today. I know that God has been with dad and us all the way, and I truly thank God for modern medicine.

Also, here are the awesome (there's lots) things about my dad, Michael Cornelio.

- He is a self taught musician. It's amazing, really. He can play the piano and guitar really well, and has never had one formal lesson.
- He's the most dependable person ever. I have a fond and recent memory of my dad dropping everything to help videotape me delivering a lesson to a 4th grade class. After the lesson, he asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him. During our lunch, he received 5 phone calls and was talking about things I've never heard of (engineer stuff). He kept putting off these important calls to just have lunch with me.
- He is a wonderful dad.

- Lots of people (including me) think he has a funny sense of humor- sometimes embarrassing if your his daughter, but he's really funny

- He loves people.

- He gives sacrificially of his time, talents, and resources.

Teaching and Parenting

First off, I definitely want to teach 3rd grade now. I've been in my current teaching placement for 13 days as of this past Friday, and I LOVE it. Not just like, "Yea, kids are cool... teaching is great". More like, "I am enthralled by teaching and all it entails- I want to be the best teacher I can be" type deal. To date, I've received encouraging feedback such as "You have the teaching gene... You're a natural...You could teach your own class right now". I share this not to toot my horn, well maybe a little tooting is happening in this post, but I am trying to emphasize how much I love what I do and how I love being good at what I do. I am saddened that I only have 6 weeks (yes Jackson, 6.0 weeks) left with my third graders until my next placement.

Teaching makes me a better parent. Parenting, I believe, makes me a better teacher. Belle and I have been to the library about 5 times since I've started teaching because I actually have time to go to the library before the evening routine begins. She is semi-obsessed with the library and can identify the public building about a quarter mile away. Also, I have more energy to invest in and be consistent with my precious daughter. All in all, I love that what I do on a daily basis (as a teacher and a parent)and that is makes a positive difference and is fulfilling.

First Offical Lesson (for Student Teaching)

Today was my first formal observation. My supervisor came in and watched me deliver a math lesson about pictographs and other graphs to 21 3rd graders. It went well. I was initially nervous about the whole observation situation. When I started the lesson, it felt natural and I loved every minute of interacting with the students. I had some positive feedback and am excited to keep teaching. Every day I'm in the classroom, I'm more sure that I was meant to be a teacher.

I realized that I only have 7.4 weeks left with my master teacher and the class I'm in and I'm actually sad. I'll be happy to have a new learning experience of course (in my next 9 week student teaching placement), but I LOVE the kids in the class and the teaching skills I'm learning from my master teacher. Also, I love 3rd grade. I think I may want to teach 3rd grade now.

Student Teaching Starts!

I met my master teacher on Monday of this week. We started Staff Development Days yesterday. I am getting so excited to meet the third graders that will be walking through Mr. C's and my door (I'm even going to have a sign on the door that says, "Mrs. Perdue"- yes!) on September 3rd. Staff Development Days have been interesting. There's a lot I'm learning and excited about. There's also a bit of tedious tasks and discussions that seem pointless. All of the staff have been really welcoming and helpful, and my fears of being the outsider 'new-kid-on-the-block' are quickly dissipating. As I have been sitting in the meetings and trying to take everything in, I keep thinking to myself, "Why did I not do this four years ago!?!?". Well, it may have been something more like three or two and a half years ago, but still... I have really found something that I love, I'm really good at (well, will be eventually :-)), and will provide for my family. I am on information-overload, but one of the biggest things I've seen at these staff in-service days is the importance of parent involvement. My mom always helped in my classes and my parents were always advocates for my education. Not every kid has that. I of course can't give names or full details, but my heart broke when I saw that one student was absent for almost half of the entire school year last year. The notes indicated that the parents were not involved and did not take the child's education seriously. Parent involvement is key. I will be 110% involved in Belle's education. Moreover, I want to try to reach those parents and students that don't understand this crucial element or just don't care. I'm not fully sure how to do this... I have some ideas. I also realize that reaching each and every person is not realistic. I will make a difference in many people's lives.